Humor! or Just Humour! - Jokes about Traveling and Ladies Hairstyles.

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Videography, editing, comedy, jokes, humor, I mean humour and writing...Absolutely love every bit of it!

When I first started in this field, I was dreaming of writing jokes and scripts for Stand up.
I was very positive and confident that I could make it to the next level, until I have received the first negative and pretty much angry comment about some of the "grammatically incorrect placement of past tense" and so on.
As I have mentioned in one of my posts, " The quote that changed my life" I was scared to write.
Scared to post anything anywhere. Why?
I was considerate about how people might accept my articles, complain about my errors and grammar. I am still considerate...but I am not scared anymore.
See, humour or humour
This is a part where I tell you to go and read the post so you are in the flow.
Well go and read it if you wish..if not... don't say I didn't warn you!

I have decided to post some of my material that I wrote few years ago, about Traveling, Public Toilet Graffiti and Ladies Hairstyle. ( Sorry ladies but you are hilarious)
Just kidding! Jokes about Traveling and Ladies Hairstyles.
I would love to hear this stuff being performed by some of my favourite comedians but for the time being, you will have to read it.
I hope you enjoy the article.Please leave us a comment. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Not about Grammar of course...about jokes.

Humor, or Just Humour!

Traveling,sun,beaches... mmmm so much fun..

I absolutely,positively love traveling.

You can see so many interesting things, interesting people and unusual things and people…

combine them all together...its hilarious!

Lets recap: Unusual things...YEAH...

  

  ...unusual places...oh double yeah!

Unusual people doing unusual things...BINGO!

in unusual places...bloody darn Jackpot!!!

But something bothers me about traveling...

Why is it every time that plane you are on is late…plane that you need to transfer to is on time…

its beyond me. 

To make things worse, why is that turbulence is followed immediately after the crew serves the food? Wait!!! But there is more...

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee being served by the crew! 

Holiday with you family should be fun right..

Why is it when you traveling with children..one will request a pit stop exactly the moment you passed the point of no return to the last toilet and the next town is an hour away?

When you are on the road a lot ..you stop for a ( cough ) break a lot..

Mostly public toilets are in an isolated locations,right..nothing much around..just pit stop.

Why is it, that these toilets walls contain some of the most meaningful messages in the world?

Wall to wall, messages written in pens and markers in every colour.

Ok, Here we go:

Stopped for a quick break, right in the middle of nowhere next to the Whoop-Whoop…

Rushed in, just about to get on with my job… ocean of messages all over the wall.

One sticks out like a sore thumb that says:

“Stand tall and be proud... in your hands is the future of this country!”

Right next to it…with an arrow pointing to it…

“ That’s reality –but remember, reality is state caused by the a lack of alcohol”

Thumbs up and continuation by someone else “...but don’t worry..be happy..." 

Isolated message referring to above written messages:

“Some people don't get it...Happy? Future? hehe..Optimism is the lack of information”

You chukle and look up ..there is another one:

"Why are you looking up here…are you ashamed of its size?”

As if someone is watching what you have just read, you quickly look down to prove the point that you are not ashamed of its dimensions...

 As you look down ..there is another one…

“Make sure you fart when you’re done!…never hold it! 

If you hold it..it travels up through your body and eventually ends up in your brain..and that’s how people get shitty ideas!”

You finish your job about to wash your hands…right above the towel dispenser...another one:

“Thieves, do not steal…the government doesn’t like a competition”

This is the good one, 

As you looking at the mirror along side the top edge in a dark pen:

“ The biggest misfortune is to have a happy marriage….your chances for divorce are slim to none!”

Other very informative and educative messages include political correctness:

"Not allowed to say "she is easy": "She is horizontally accessible"

Can`t say: He is stupid: Say "He is diverted from the information highway"

You can`t say: She is awful Cook: "She is Microvaweably compatible 

You cant say for a person that is Ugly… He or she has incorrectly deployed facial features

“I wish my wife is a calendar..I really don`t need to look at her every day of the year but to change her on 1^st  of January.

Did you see any of these graffiti messages?  

Whats the best you saw? 

Please, Leave us a comment.  Lets make a collection of these "thoughtful toilet messages".

Traveling and holiday with Ladies...oh, thats another topic that can take 6 pages to write.

But, I have to say at least something about

Ladies ,Ladies,Ladies...pure humor!

Oh Ladies.. we love you and we occasionally love you more…

Wonderful adorable, cuddly like a Persian cat.

Until claws come out!

You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to understand a woman…who am I kidding..yes you do!!!

You need to be a rocket scientist to understand a women and how to make her happy. Just so you can avoid the transformation from a woman to a Persian Cat, claws and all.

Ladies,

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. 

Guys,

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and don’t even think about trying to understand her at all.

Her mind has mind on its own!

Did you know that Women and Walnuts in shells have a lot in common…

To free them our of their shell and release their goodness, You need to hammer them. 

Not literally ..i mean hammer them..you know what I mean?

Men, 

You need to be very successful to have very successful women…it goes hand in hand.

Successful man is man who earns more that his woman can spend, right?

What about women?

Oh, Successful woman is a woman who finds such man…

Women …very worrying creatures…always worrying about things….holidays, looks, appearance, image, almost everything…

not almost everything ... ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!!!

…Women worries about the future until she finds a husband.

However, man never worries until he gets married.

After we get married… being worried or being  in trouble takes a new dimension..we are buggered!!!

Simple math’s..it works. 

Try it sometimes.

To be happy with your men. ladies you need to love your man a little and try to understand him a lot…

Guys…

to be happy with your woman you need to love her a LOT and don’t even try to understand her. 

That’s already the next level of being Buggered!

When Ladies get to the boiling point…oohh Lord have Mercy on our souls.

In an argument, every woman has the last word…

after that, 

what ever comes out of our mouth is a beginning of a new argument.

So many times I have said to my self “ Man, You are lucky …you don’t have to shave anything bellow your neck and a darn 3 pair of shoes is more than enough for crying out loud”

Having said that..

I am blessed and Lucky I don’t have to drag gigantic bag, everywhere I go, full of useless things and when you are looking for something…bag becomes magic..this thing disappears.. you can`t find it…

For men…It’s a simple routine:

take a shower and get ready to roll in 20 minutes without…that’s right without making such fuss about my hair..

Oops Hair!!! Another painful being fucked science.

You women know how to go overboard with your hair style…its horrific!

   

You know how to turn this event into 3 day Olympic triathlon and couldn’t care less how many body bags will be used during this process...its a crime scene..blood bath..

Anything that stands in the way between you and your hairstyle ends up in a body bag…

Let me elaborate:

Man goes to a barber: 

How you doing…what do we having today? 

Bwahhh “do`know”…ten minutes later…ta-da. Job done, no fuss.

You ladies…bwaah….Oh Lord…

Our haircut cost $20..thats it – In and out in 20 minutes for $20 bucks. Good as gold.

Ladies hair style… Let me be clear.. Dear God, have mercy on our souls!

The mobile chandelier on your head will cost you An arm,a leg, a total and complete psychological distress ..nightmares of your men prior, during and after the fact…

but the poor hair dresser...

she instantly becomes a miracle worker…not just.. 

a councilor and financial advisor ..amongst other things…

Gossip (awwh) and the expectations???

 imagine horror they have to endure? ( eyes roll, )

Here she comes…

”I want it like Madona”…with a head of Jay Leno and Vince Vaughn combined ???

When it comes to the final product. 

Oh no..another body bag..get ready for another zipper!

We men are very honest about our hair…

You turn up with your new hair style and you get told..

“You look like a FRISBEE…you know ..bee that’s having a bad hair day”…

”put a cap on you ..I cant look at you”

You slap a cap and life goes on…right .

but not for women… 

ney,ney..

It would be so cool to be honest with you ladies.. for once!

Hmmm, you said you wanted to look like Madona…yeah very close… its more like Nicki Minaj-ysh style at the moment ."

What’s that all about…is she doing her hair with firecrackers?  couple of crackers ..fire it up…BOOOOM – Ta-da…Hairstyle!

Where was I ..

Ah..honesty…

imagine being so free and able to be honest with your lady…

"Honey, that hair looks like a bird fight gone wrong that got stomped on, chewed by a hungry dog, then pooped out, worms and all."

or…

"That hairstyle makes your face look fat."

Or,or,… 

" Did you colour it yourself?  Don’t worry darling, It'll grow out." ( oooooh)

When she ask“ How does it look darling?” – I would love to be able to freely say : Perfect.. 

You blend in perfect with the furniture and the Stand lamp we have in the corner of the Living room…

Day before she go to the Hairstylist, She wears a lipstick on her forehead… 

someone told her to makeup her mind!

Even simple tasks like a dinner with friends can be a difficult task

“Hey darling don’t forget we have a lunch with  Amy and Mick today….

When is it?

4pm

“Oh no..I wont be able to make ..I have an appointment at the Hair dresser!”

“When is your appointment?”

9am!!!

Say WHAT???

…Australian NBN contractors, lays down 20 kilometers of NBN infrastructure in that time…and manage to piss of 2000 people in the process! You can't do the hair in that time?

We are very adventurous creatures and love to experiment with our ideas..from the start of the days..since Adam and Eve

Man discovered a friendship..and we invented love

Women discovered love and invented the marriage.

Man discovered a women..and we invented sex

Women discovered sex and invented the migraine.

Man discovered a friendship..and we invented money…

this is where things went really really wrong..

Women discovered money and since then… everything went to hell!

Humor! Just Humor! - Jokes about Traveling and Ladies Hairstyles,

© The content of this article is a ©Copyright material.
Please do not use,reproduce or perform in public any part or this article without obtaining a prior permission!